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First of all, I want to make it clear that I did not want to have to use my own website as the space in which to bring such a negative, and traumatic experience to light.
Though by using this space, it allows me to be in control of what I have to say, allowing a clear and concise statement. This is my platform, and these are my words and my experiences.
After first calling this person out in October of last year, I continue to see and hear that this person is being continually supported by various companies and publications.
Calling someone out publicly is in no way an easy decision or act to follow through with. This person I loved but was also manipulated & abused by for over three years. I also have to take into consideration any kind of backlash from him (which happened previously) or anyone that supports him. As well as this, having to publicly put your own personal life out there is terrifying. It makes you feel stripped bare.
After first calling him out in 2017, I received an overwhelming amount of support both publicly and privately. From both strangers, and close friends alike. I also received support from close friends of his, explaining that they understood, and wish they could have done more when they were aware things were not always 'quite right'.
I also of course received the other messages claiming that this was 'not my experience of him'. I will say that these kinds of messages all came from white men, who have worked with Jamie in one form or another. I will also say that when I used my voice to call this person out, I never once claimed this to be anyone else's experience of this person. This was MY experience.
There have been several occasions in which I have wanted to speak out again since October 2017, yet each time I do so I have to consider the emotional labour that goes into this (*thankfully others have been supportive enough to do this on my behalf, resulting in this individual being cut from event line ups) Writing about this in such a direct way creates huge amounts of anxiety, worry and distress. Why should I have to continually explain this experience in order to try and be heard? I do not always have the time or energy to do so.
I must also state that the aftermath of calling someone out publicly who was an abuser of mine, may even be harder than the actual act. After the messages die down and the discussions end, you find yourself left with the concern of leaving your home in fear of bumping into this individual (who has been waiting at my front door in the past) or associates of his. There is the concern of others opinions, and there is the overall concern for my own safety and wellbeing. You are merely left with the nightmares, memories, emotional scars and worry of what will come next.
Though with all of this in mind, I again refuse to sit back and allow this to continue.
Below you will find my original statement from October 2017, alongside a link to the original video that was uploaded at the time. This video was taken down days after I called it out by the website 'Coney's Loft', after many reports from other individuals sent in support of my statement. In response I received a personal message from its Editor again explaining that they 'had never experienced anything of this kind from Jamie himself'. It was clear in this message that this Editor sympathised with my abuser and seemed to disregard my experience, choosing to take the piece down over concern for his own companies reputation, rather than in concern of my safety. The Editor again happened to be a white male.
Although the article & video link was removed from 'Coney's Loft' website, the video remains online from the original upload. Therefore I have included this link below too.
I think it is also important to bring to light that this specific piece was published by the publishing company 'New River Press' in their 2017 Year Book, 'YEAR OF THE PROPAGANDA CORRUPTED PLEBISCITES'. What I put to New River Press is did Jamie receive payment for the publication of this piece? New River Press, not only do you support abusers, but do you now allow abusers to profit off of the abuse they committed?
As organisers, creators, supporters & individuals we have to start doing our research when it comes to who we choose to work with and support. We are at a time in society when there are no longer any excuses.
In order to secure safety for survivors and those still enduring abuse we have to start being honest with ourselves about the realities of this.
Abusers know how to use their power within the structures of our society. Abusers are very well practised in their manipulation, and are masters of distraction.
As long as we choose to ignore the continued patterns that perpetrators follow, we are only one by one upholding and celebrating the systems which allow for this abuse to go unnoticed. Stand with survivors. Stand with those still enduring abuse. This shit is everywhere. This shit can happen to any one of us. Not all of us make it out.
October 2017 Statement
THIS IS NOT AN ART FORM THIS IS A FORM OF ABUSE
Something has come to my attention this week that i hoped would never happen. Simply this is it.
I was in a relationship with someone for three years, who throughout that entire time used manipulation, lies and force to abuse me mentally and physically. This person also happens to have been in a band which gained success of some level, and in turn has now decided to use their power & platform in order to explicitly shame me publicly through their ‘art’.
I must add that for some time I never fully understood the severity of the situation that I had found myself in. The truth is, abusers make you feel as though YOU are the problem, YOU are the one to blame and YOU should be the one feeling shame for their behaviour and how in turn that made YOU feel. There is a certain level of pride within all of us, and having to publicly acknowledge that I have been a victim of abuse is something I have struggled with throughout and after this experience.
Ironically this week there has been the widespread rise of the “me too” movement that I’m sure most of you are aware of, aiming to encourage the speaking out of sexual harassment.
Although I have wanted to speak out, there is a level of fear, and anxiety that comes with that thought, especially when I am aware that my abuser may use this against me, even now.
Although I am thankfully no longer involved in this relationship I continue to receive abuse, and can no longer remain silent. The piece you find below attacks not only my character, but my own personal experiences that I shared in confidence. This piece attacks my gender, class, intelligence, including physical and mental threats on varying levels.
What is so hard is that when you have been involved in an abusive relationship, a part of you wants to believe that there is SOME good in the person you fell in love with, because how poor of my judgement otherwise? In some fucked up way, abusers make you feel as though you should protect their reputation in hope that one day they will realise their wrong doings.
This is something that should not be celebrated in any sense. Shame on those who publish this, celebrate this, encourage this or laugh with this person at the expense of someone who lived through this abuse, and still continues to struggle with the aftermath of this experience every day.
This is abuse. This is not art. This is misogynistic. This is threatening. This is gas lighting. This is damaging. THIS IS NOT OK, and I refuse to be silenced on this any longer.
I am also prepared for any kind of attack from those who have published, celebrated and laughed with this individual. You are the ones who should feel shame.
*Jamie was pulled from an event in January due to my statement made in 2017 and support of friends who contacted the organisers & venue. As seen below.